Do you believe that a narcissist can apologize? Do you think they can sincerely feel sorry about how they made you think? Do you think they can make up for their mistakes and change for the better? If yes, narcissists can make you feel worse when you thought they could.
Narcissists are typically incapable of feeling regret; it’s simply not in their nature and reality. Because of their selfish nature and inflated ego, they can’t comprehend or express how others feel. If you’ve ever known a narcissist, you’ve probably noticed that they never take responsibility. Someone else has always done something wrong or has encouraged them to do something wrong. They are absolved of the guilt for the conduct because they never accept it.
You may get confused about how they apologize, but do remember that narcissists refuse to apologize or issue apologies. You may experience mock apologies of no substance that will make you feel underwhelmed and confused.
Read until the end, as we give you 10 fake apologies narcissists make to regain themselves.
Number 1: The blame-shifting apology.
Ever heard of someone apologizing like this? ‘I’m sorry, but maybe you’re just too sensitive’ or ‘I’m sorry that you feel I am a nasty piece of work.’ Narcissists are always in self-preservation mode, defending themselves even when at fault. Narcissists cannot accept responsibility, even if all the evidence points to them as the perpetrators. They will throw the finger at everyone else, blaming others and projecting their negative feelings and thoughts onto those around them. This kind of empty apology puts the person who was hurt in a more painful situation, thinking they might be a problem.”
Number 2: The minimizing apology.
This apology will show that the hurtful behavior is harmless and done for a greater cause. You’re most likely to hear it when someone says, “Just joking” or “Just trying to make you laugh.” Pushing your boundaries to the limit, it creates a form of gaslighting. As a result, you become the problem. This form of apology will also be used to disguise earlier behavior as constructive criticism.
Number 3: The repeated apology.
Narcissists will mostly sound like, “I’ve already said I was sorry about it, but you never accepted it.” This apology implies that the narcissist has already apologized for what they have done. This will just be a lie to cover up the main issue. In most cases, they may try to avoid the problem by referring to a past unrelated apology. For narcissists, this can be a follow-up to one or two previously mentioned apologies. Imagine receiving an old apology that is unrelated to the present problem. Such statements are empty of any sincere apologies. Narcissists imply that the case is closed to proceed and never take any responsibility.
Number 4: The ghost or phantom apology.
This is just another manipulation technique from a narcissist in the form of an apology. This faux apology can be heard as “I regret that you feel upset” or “I regret that mistakes were made.” This kind of apology will sound regretful, but it again burdens the victim instead of making things better. Narcissists move on without correcting their wrongs. Narcissists sometimes use this apology to escape responsibility when they have no other choice. Regret is simply a feeling, while apologizing is an action. Telling someone you’re sorry for what happened is not the same as taking responsibility for the hurtful behavior.
Number 5: The invisible apology.
“I guess I owe you an apology” or “I guess I should say sorry.” These lines will leave you wondering if apologies are like those guessing games. This type of apology will make you believe that the narcissist said they were sorry without actually saying it. It’s more of a suggestion of an apology rather than an actual offering. You may have accepted this kind of apology from someone you trust but isn’t particularly communicative in other situations. There may be hints that they are sorry for their actions, but the apology is not sincere. It clearly shows that they are indifferent.
Number 6: The white-washing apology.
This is simply another form of minimizing a narcissist’s fault. You might have viewed this type of apology as a sort of reconciliation, a halfway point which is probably the closest thing to a genuine apology. However, it is still a long way off from really saying one. It’s more of a strong possibility, a maybe, to minimize the consequences. It’s best described by terms like “I probably shouldn’t have done this or that,” and there’s an admission of guilt. However, the consequences of the deeds are left unresolved.
Number 7: The takeaway apology.
You know an apology is not serious when you hear the word “but” after an apology. The “I’m sorry” prefix is simply a means for the narcissist to express their true feelings about a problem or even establish a condition for you both to go ahead. It’s the most apparent apology on the list, and you could see it coming from a mile away. A sincere “I’m sorry” does not require a “but.” This type of apology is worse than no apology because the one saying them has made it plain that they do not intend to accept responsibility for their actions.
Number 8: The blanket apology.
Narcissists are liars. While they agree they made a mistake to you, narcissists don’t know what they said or did to upset you. To make you think they’re sincerely sorry, they’ll say something like, “I’m sorry for all the horrible things I’ve done.” There isn’t a genuine desire to make amends. There’s no clear information regarding why and how things will change in the future. All that’s being said is only regret. This is an attempt to take control of the issue by being as unclear as possible.
Number 9: The conditional apology.
Conditional apologies are used by narcissists to avoid admitting that they have done something wrong. Instead, they suggest that their acts may have been harmful, but they had no control over them. “I’m sorry if something I said offended you” is a typical conditional apology. That’s how deceitful narcissists can be.
Number 10: Anger apology.
When a narcissist has had enough of being forced to apologize, they will abruptly shift their tone and strike out at you as if you had no right to be offended. “Give me a break, I’m sorry, alright?” narcissists would say. By seemingly irritated, they divert your attention away from the underlying problem. That’s probably how narcissists get away with apologizing. They allow their negative feelings to try to control you so that you couldn’t force them any longer. The apology is all part of the narcissistic game.
Things are hot and cold in a relationship with a narcissist, or excellent and unpleasant. An apology is an element of the relationship’s illusion of trust. When your narcissist apologizes to you, you become addicted to the feelings of optimism and comfort. You require this hope because you were hurt and isolated before the apology. You never know that these faux apologies are just made up in a narcissist’s unique mind to manipulate and control you.
Read More: What Happens When the Narcissist Loses Control.
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