Are you having problems keeping a self-absorbed person away from you and establishing boundaries? If so, it sounds like you are probably dealing with a narcissist, which may make your efforts a bit more complicated.
Narcissism is a personality type where a person is, by and large, only concerned with themselves. They tend to seek out people that either make them feel better about themselves or that they consider cool, but narcissistic friends are very dangerous and often cross the line.
Don’t worry, though, since by the end of this article, not only will you be able to outwit any narcissist you come across, you should be so good at spotting them that they will no longer find their way into your life again!
Number 1: Don’t listen to them.
If you have a friend that is a little narcissistic, then this is a great approach to take. Narcissists love to talk about themselves, but so do a lot of people, and we tend to let them talk away. When it’s your turn to speak, though, narcissists will essentially tune you out, or even worse, they will try to search out spaces in your story to butt in and make it about themselves. Give your toxic friend a taste of their own medicine by zoning them out when they try to make things about themselves. A narcissist will not stand for being ignored and will either blow up at you or storm out. Either way, you get to give them a pretty great example of how poorly they treat their friends with this little trick. It may not make them fully realize how bad of a person they are being, but it very well might be a step in the right direction.
Number 2: Set firm boundaries and don’t budge.
Narcissists are absolutely awful with boundaries, especially when it comes to things like sharing, privacy, or being considerate. A narcissist is almost always going to try to find a way to burrow into your life, and frustratingly they can also do a fair bit of damage there too. A toxic trait that narcissists possess is using people as a stepping stone to social success. What we mean by that is that a narcissist will spill your secrets to gain clout or social status with others, and they may even gossip about you and try to turn people against you. Not only is this not what friends do, but it can also damage other relationships in your life and make things incredibly awkward. The best way to eliminate this type of behavior is to not let them into your life and to cite their untrustworthiness as the cause.
Number 3: Don’t give up people or things for them.
Narcissists expect a lot out of their select few friends. They expect them to entertain them, support them, be effortlessly cool, and also to give up anything and anyone for them. If your narcissistic friend and another one of your friends get into a squabble, fully expect the narcissist to try to turn you against them and probably to end the friendship with them too. However right they might be in the circumstances, you should never give in to their demands and let them know that they can influence you in this way, as it can lead to some real headaches down the road. Narcissists crave control and adoration, so if they think you like them enough to throw away opportunities or loved ones, then they might just use that knowledge to try to sabotage your life. You have to understand that narcissists struggle mightily with empathy, and many of them are thrill-seekers looking to get as much entertainment out of each day as possible.
Number 4: Hold them accountable.
Perhaps the thing that narcissists hate most is when they are held accountable. Narcissists are, by nature, incredibly sneaky, and they don’t like a light to be shed on their actions. These people survive on impressing others through lies and manipulation, and they are more comfortable when they are free to just talk about anything. When you force them to confront something or to explain their actions or reasoning for something, they can become extremely defensive and pretty nasty. This is one of the only ways to actually get under a narcissist’s skin, as they don’t root themselves in reality like the rest of us. If you force them to get their head out of the clouds and be real for a while, they will probably start to steer clear of you.
Number 5: Don’t show any annoyance or admiration.
In general, narcissists go about the workplace, gym, or really anywhere looking for a reaction. When they get one (and it doesn’t matter whether it’s good or bad), it almost always gets their attention. If a narcissist is getting under your skin, it’s never a good idea to indulge the feelings you’re having and snap at them, as this will just make them push harder. In a lot of ways, narcissists weaponize your feelings, as they know that you feel them stronger than they do. The biggest weakness that a narcissist has is a need for attention, so if you are always depriving them of it, there is no way they’ll stick around for long. It may feel good at the moment to let them have it and yell at them or scold them, but all you’ve really done is fall into their trap.
Number 6: Don’t change yourself.
From clothes to music, narcissists greatly value how they look and present themselves. In fact, if you become friends with one, it means that they probably think that you do too, and it’s likely they will try to further mold you into their image. They may start to recommend bands to listen to and encourage you to mention them when you are with others. They may also try to buy you clothes or take you shopping, but you should be careful not to fall for these seemingly kind gestures. Narcissists are attracted to people that don’t have much of a backbone, as they are the easiest ones to change and also will listen to them. While it may not seem like a big deal, it won’t take long before the narcissist begins to act like they made you and that you owe them for their input.
Number 7: Don’t be fooled by big gestures or emotions.
You may think to yourself, “Well, my friend couldn’t be a narcissist because they do show emotion towards me,” but this may all be a smokeshow. Narcissists have been known to cry, shout, and even show regret on a surface level, but it is hard to tell how many of these feelings are even genuine. Narcissists want to manipulate you, and it’s not above them to fake an emotion in order to do it. Since they want to be the center of attention, they may even make a big show of it, with the audience unintentionally pressuring you into forgiving them. You should be very careful about this, though, as it may all just be a clever act.
Number 8: Make yourself harder to access.
When you become friends with a narcissist, it can often feel like a full-time job. Like we said up top, narcissists are horrible with boundaries, and they will try to tear down any between you two as soon as possible. As long as you are aware of this behavior, however, you can start to use it against them, distancing yourself with smoke screens and obstacles. Once the narcissist notices that you are doing this, they may try to confront you, as they feel like they should have unlimited access to you whenever possible. Continuing to put up boundaries or calling them necessary establishes that you aren’t going to just let them waltz into your life whenever they feel like. How does a narcissist usually respond to this piece of information? By moving on to the next person.
Number 9: Expand your friend group.
Like an abusive partner, a narcissist will often try to isolate you in an effort to control you. They may try to pick fights with your friends or gossip about you to achieve this, but it’s a pretty common tactic that can leave you in danger of getting seriously manipulated. If you want to scare away a narcissist, though, a good plan is to try to actually expand your friend group and also trust your friends and what they have to say. If your friends all agree this person is bad news, side with your friends and either confront or push the narcissist out of the group. These people don’t tend to have a lot of friends and can easily fall victim to larger groups which they are unable to isolate.
Number 10: Keep a journal and record of your thoughts, worries, and fears.
When you are being gaslit and manipulated, it can be really hard to decipher the lies from reality. This can have a really big impact on your life, and it can make it harder to do well in school, keep your job, or maintain good relationships with friends and family. All of this is great for the manipulator, but there are ways to keep your head clear even in these awful kinds of situations. Keeping a memento with you that reminds you to stay strong is a great way to ground yourself, and journaling your thoughts, fears, and concerns is another great way to get an accurate read on your mental health. And if you liked this video then check out these related videos to see more. And make sure to like this video to let the algorithm know you’d like to see more videos like these.
Read More: 9 Tactics to Put Narcissists in Their Place.
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