Narcissists have a way of thinking called psychological splitting – a very black-and-white perception of viewing people as their companions or enemies. They have demands that will either destroy you or lose your support; it’s whether you’re with them or not. That is why dealing with them will cost you too much.
If you’re currently dealing with a narcissist, you might have a clue what is the price of dealing with them. But suppose you’re still confused or someone without any knowledge of this, in that case, you’ll be all right because I’ll be leading you through this journey of knowing the five prices you must pay if you stay with the narcissist.
Number 1: Your innocence.
Generally, we think narcissistic abuse will only occur in romantic relationships, the eros type of love. But most of us do not realize that as early as children are born, their parents might have been the abuser that set their children up in the loop of the narcissistic Supply cycle. Well, who would have thought someone who bore a child into this world would have a heart of hurting and exploiting their kid, right? Parents are the figurehead of their children that should also protect and provide for their kids’ essentials. That’s their role in the family. But some might not have received that memo. Well, it’s understandable when the parents are narcissists themselves.
The unfortunate thing is, if children are exposed to this abuse as early as their toddler years, their innocence will be compromised, and children do not have a choice but to stay with their parents because where else would they go? If you experience this in your childhood, the price you have paid isn’t just your innocence. Your ability to love, trust, and happiness will also get taken away from you. The innocence that your parents should have protected was the one they destroyed. The trauma might run deep and cause you to have emotional inabilities and issues growing up.
Number 2: Relationships.
Narcissists expect to get treated as a priority. Their high sense of self-importance will urge you to set aside anything if you decide to stay in a relationship or live with them. Dealing with a narcissist is more demanding than having a job. You must respond to them immediately, or else you wouldn’t want the consequences. Having a relationship with a narcissist will cost you losing your other relationships. You might be losing your guy best friend you consider a brother just to make your narcissistic partner be at ease in their insecurities. When problems arise, you might lose the support you expect to have from your friends and families. They are already charmed and transformed to be your narcissist’s flying monkeys.
Remember, you’re not responsible for making your partner feel like a man. Narcissists will always have a say in who you befriend. For them, your friends are also their friends. So if they see you befriending someone they think is not fit for their status, they will dictate to you or coerce you to lose that contact with them. This technique is also known to be used by narcissistic parents. They belittle and discriminate against people you are in a relationship with when they don’t meet or exceed your parents’ standards. The price you have to pay for staying with a narcissist is the freedom to choose your relationships. You must detach from them to have independence in your life.
Number 3: Your plans or decisions.
Conformity is what narcissists want to have from you. That is why if you’re staying with a narcissist, you must expect a zero percent say in your plans and decisions. Your dependence on them is not enough for a narcissist; they will destroy your ability to think to assure you won’t leave them hanging in the end. Narcissists will dominate you in any way, whether it is your clothes or what you eat. Your decisions will not matter to them; they are right all the time, and you must appear to be like them if you stay with them. Appearance is always a matter of importance for a narcissist. They might think that appearing to be capable will stabilize their social status and standing, but they are just a fool by thinking that pretense is the weakest offense in extracting power from people. The stronger they make themselves appear in pretense, the more fragile they get when the challenger appears in the picture.
But the main thing you must remember in dealing with a narcissist is: it’s nothing personal. Nothing is wrong with your preference and your decisions. All that they’re doing is just for their sake, not yours. So if you’ll hear them saying to do this or that for your own sake, it’s a trap. That is just their way of having gratification and self-satisfaction. You don’t need their guidance; instead, they need you to feel better about themselves.
Number 4: Your health.
When physical abuse comes into play in your dealings with a narcissist, your health will surely be in danger. Domestic violence has been around since time immemorial. Most of us are aware that it’s something not to take lightly. Why you’re still with the narcissist who lays a hand on you is a puzzle you and those around you must solve before it’s too late. If you think love is what makes you stay, think again. Ask yourself if love should be this painful. That way, you will be exercising the self-evaluation skills that narcissists constantly want to take away from you, so you wouldn’t wake up from their made-up fantasy. Considering that your physical health is not the only thing that will get taken away from you, but also your mental health.
Understanding why victims can’t seem to depart from narcissists is difficult for the spectators. If you have been experiencing this abuse, only you can understand why you are in your position. If you’re having a hard time, friends, families, or professionals can be your support, but only you can step out of that trap. I know it’s easier said than done, but calling out authorities can be helpful for you when your narcissistic partners are acting out and hurting you. Staying with them will cost you your health, safety, and peace. When you decide you’ve had enough, you must take it back.
Number 5: Your faith.
There’s so much a person can take just to hold on to their hope that everything will get better soon enough. But eventually, they will lose faith and having to experience peace when they got exposed to chaos, uncertainty, problems, and pain for a long time. They will lose sight of the truth and will settle to live in a made-up reality where hope and love don’t exist. All of this describes how a person who stays with a narcissist will live. The price you will pay for staying in the life of a narcissist will cost you your own life. If this is business, you will surely get bankrupt for not having a return on your sales.
Living with a narcissist requires you to give and give, even if you’re not receiving anything in return. I can’t say I understand how miserable you feel for not having the guts to leave the narcissist when you should have done it long ago. The struggle will be too difficult, and you will just find yourself standing in the wilderness, not knowing how to abandon the life that the narcissist gave you. If you lose hope now, I hope your faith will rekindle the motivation you need to get out of the grasp of a narcissist. In the end, you will be only left empty, spent, and void of any feeling. The only question that needs an answer is this: why do you stay in a relationship with someone as vile as a narcissist?
Read More: How to Beat a Narcissist at Their Own Game.
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