– In this article, I’m going to share with you eight red-flag signs of narcissistic abuse. So be sure to stick around until the end of the article, because I’ve got a lot of good stuff for you today. Let’s get started.
Now, the first thing I want to say is it’s important to remember that these red flags can show up in any relationship, not just our romantic lives. But they can show up with so-called friends, as well as romantic interests. They can show up at work with colleagues, and bosses. They can show up with neighbors. They can show up with family and in-laws. It doesn’t matter. They can show up in any area of your life, any relationship.
The important thing, however, is that you pay attention and tell yourself the truth about what it is that you are seeing, hearing, feeling, what you are experiencing. You know what you live, trust yourself.
So let’s talk about eight red-flag signs of narcissistic abuse.
Number 1: Love bombing.
Now, first on the list of eight red-flag signs of narcissistic abuse is a love bombing. It all starts here. You’ll find yourself on the receiving end of intense admiration, adulation, attention, and praise. So much so, it’s actually awkward and uncomfortable at times. Unless, of course, you are a love addict. Then it’s like love. And you’re in real trouble because this will soon be followed by devaluation. And sometimes even, especially if they think that they can get away with it, verbal abuse in the way of criticism, blaming, shaming, name-calling, that sort of thing.
Number 2: Gaslighting.
Number two on the list of red flags of narcissistic abuse is gaslighting, which fundamentally boils down to another person working to cause you to doubt yourself as well as your memory and your perceptions of reality. So let me put it to you this way, If you’re in a situation where you’re feeling like you have to start recording your conversations, in order to prove to yourself and maybe others as well that you are in fact not crazy, not a liar, or a delusional whack job, you’re at the very least in an unhealthy relationship. And it’s highly likely that you’re being narcissistically abused. If you want to learn more about gaslighting, you can check out this article here.
Number 3: Intentionally sabotaging your relationship with others.
Now, this will usually be done behind your back, certainly, you know, because narcissists are sneaky, manipulative, little cowards to their core. But what it is is they’ll work real hard to manipulate the perceptions of others, to poison the hearts and minds of others towards you, planting little seeds about your faults, and your flaws, and your transgressions, so-called transgressions more often than not, but your shortcomings and your inferiority.
They’ll do this passively or outright, directly, making up lies, spinning truths, lying by omission, whatever it takes to, again, manipulate the perception of others and poison the hearts and minds of them towards you. They’ll gossip about all the things you’ve supposedly done and not done. And they’ll go as far as making up complete fiction to manipulate how others perceive you, to poison how others perceive you, including the perception of children towards you, if they think they can get away with it. That’s how insecure and sick narcissists can be.
Number 4: You’re bad, wrong, or crazy.
Making you out to be bad, wrong, or crazy for having legitimate feelings and emotional responses to appalling and fully crazy-making attitudes and behavior. Here’s how this works:
Step one: They behave inappropriately, appallingly, and often even cruelly.
Step two: You being a human being with a heart and feelings, you have a legitimate emotional reaction or response, a feeling response to the appalling, often cruel attitudes and behavior, to the inappropriate, appalling, and cruel attitudes and behavior. You have a feeling about that.
Step three: They blame, shame, and criticize you for having a legitimate feeling response, feeling reaction to the appalling attitudes and behavior, to the fully insane crazy-making situation that you find yourself in. You get blamed for it—sick stuff.
Number 5: Lying to avoid responsibility.
Now, this shows up in the way of blame-shifting and putting words in your mouth, saying that you’ve done and said things that you both know you’ve never actually done or said—a big red flag. And for me personally, this is an absolute non-negotiable deal breaker in any relationship. Now here’s the thing, Narcissists will say whatever it takes, whatever tall tale no matter how untrue, cruel, or bizarre. Just like the toddler who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar when they’d been told countless times that they can’t have a cookie.
This is what you’re dealing with, an emotional toddler. And they’ll go to any lengths, say whatever it takes to prove their point, win the right fight, or avoid accountability and responsibility. This is what you’re dealing with. When you see this happen, this is not time to be second-guessing yourself. This is the time to be telling yourself the truth about what you are seeing, hearing, and feeling. How many times have you been through this cycle with this individual? And God forbid, you’re making sense, you have proof, or they’ve backed themselves into a corner.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
You can also expect this to go to the next level if they’ve managed to trigger themselves, which they often do. We don’t even need to trigger them. They’ll trigger themselves, their own insecurities, inferiority complex, and inadequacy. When that happens, when the mask slips, you can expect this whole thing to go to the next level. Again, they’ll be willing to say whatever it takes, lie by omission, twist, distort, leaving huge chunks of the truth. They’ll do and say whatever it takes to prop themselves up like the insecure, weak cowards that they actually are.
Number six: You’re dealing with a hero or a victim.
You are dealing with a hero or a victim, but never ever a villain, not even someone who’s ever made a mistake. In other words, never being at fault or responsible for any issue in the relationship. No matter what has gone on you, somehow, are always to blame. Why? Because these people are masters of the blame-shifting game.
And if this is happening to you, you are for sure being narcissistically abused. Absolutely, without question. And it’s important that you learn to hold onto yourself, do what you need to do to get and stay clear, hold onto your truth, hold onto your reality, and then make your decisions from there.
Number 7: Showing little to no genuine interest in who you are as a person.
Now, with the exception, of course, to when this actually might serve them in any way, then they’ll pay attention. Then suddenly they’re interested in who you are as a person. But generally speaking, you’ll notice there’s actually a lack of sincere, genuine interest in who you really are as a person. Again, unless it serves them. Or if they’re on a fact-finding mission, gathering data that they’ll be able to use later.
And you’ll know the difference. You can feel the difference between someone who’s meeting you heart to heart and has a genuine interest in getting to know you and wants to know about you. Where are you at in your life? What’s going on? What’s exciting? What’s new? How’s your heart, right? You can feel that. And you can feel when someone is feigning interest for manipulative purposes because it serves them in some way. Or they’re just gathering data so that they can potentially use it later.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
You feel the difference because actually if you’re paying attention, feeling into your body, you’re in touch with what you’re feeling, that will actually give you the heebie-jeebies. You’ll get the yuck factor. You’ll feel it on some level.
Number 8: You’re dealing with an entitled childish ingrate.
Entitled to your time, your energy, your attention. Entitled to all your resources, financial and otherwise, your home, car, belongings, et cetera. Entitled to behave any way they choose anytime they want, and you don’t get to have a thought, an opinion, or a feeling about it. When dealing with someone who feels entitled to behave any way they choose without being called out on it ever. When dealing with someone who feels entitled to target whomever they choose, including a child or a minor without being called out on it ever.
When you’re dealing with someone who feels entitled to just come and go as they please, irrespective of agreements, obligations, responsibilities, boundaries, etc., without being called out on it ever. In other words, they feel entitled to commit often the worst possible relationship crimes without being called out on it ever. How dare you have an opinion, a thought, a feeling about their sense of entitlement and all the relationship crimes they commit in the relationship. How dare you have an opinion or a feeling about that? Don’t you know who they think they are?
If this is the situation you find yourself in, if this is what you are dealing with, someone who lives from this place of entitlement, you, my friend, are being narcissistically abused.
Read More: 5 Prices You Must Pay If You Stay with a Narcissist.
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